I often say that part of my role is “holding space” for people, as a doula I don’t just do this for my clients its something that I do in all walks of life, giving people time and space to discuss, think, discover, ponder, appreciate, digest and work through all manner of things.
I’m not providing solutions, or remedies, I might signpost or help people to explore things but ultimately I’m listening, being a sounding board, not judging or making assumptions. Sometimes by talking about things with some one who can do this, we can see new ways forward, unpick things, get a different perspective, find solutions and acceptance.
I have over the years really benefited from this kind of compassionate listening, from people who have held space for me at times when I really needed it. I am fortunate that amongst the people I have trained with I have a people whom I can talk to like this now.
Sometimes we don’t have people who can do this for us, family and friends naturally want to make things better for us, they want to fix problems. However, sometimes that’s not possible, sometimes we just need to talk things through, to find our own way.
As I gain more experience as a doula I have realised that I have been holding space for people for some time; family, friends, colleagues, acquaintances. I see this as a great privilege, to be trusted to listen and be non judgemental, not to rush through the process but give time and space. It can be hard not to jump in and say “this is what you should do” or “I know how you can fix this”, but when you are holding space for someone , you allow them to find their new perspective, and solutions or way forwards.